devART Coalition for Quality Control » Mr. Kaiser

Uh…

Mr. Kaiser — Sun, 09 May 2010 18:01:10 +0000

ZSilver + ZGrey Hunting by ~epicoverload

Sometimes, there’s simply not much to say about a picture. Sometimes, the flaws in this picture are so obvious that commentating on it is needless. Sometimes, a picture is so badly drawn, that anyone who isn’t fully blind can figure out that it belongs in a 15 year old’s notebook, and not in a portal which is laughingly called an “art” portal. Sometimes, you have to doubt a child’s creativity when they closest they come to “originality” are recolors or minor retoolings of characters from Sonic the Hedgehog, which look almost exactly like the original characters they are based on.

Sometimes, pictures really are worth a thousand words… Even if there’s only one in it.

Puke in the morning

Mr. Kaiser — Sun, 02 May 2010 18:22:03 +0000

Nude in the Morning11 by ~sexual-apple

Oh, man, what a great day to look at nude pictures on deviantART! This guy – apparently a fan of bondage and a “slave” for this “girl” – has a stretch on his bed while the sunlight accentuates his unsightly red body hair. That sure is attention to detail!

Talk about slavery breaking the spirit: For a guy with a collar ’round his neck forced to model for tacky nude photography, he sure doesn’t look the least bit concerned about or angry about his situation. Isn’t the whole appeal of bondage (For the party “in control”) knowing that they can do as they please, against their victim’s will? I imagine that appeal must begin to wane when the so-called slave becomes complacent. Maybe my bondage knowledge could benefit from some further study, but I just don’t see the fun in tying a guy or girl up if they don’t seem to mind it much.

And if you haven’t got enough of ginger BDSM tackiness and banal fetish art: This is actually part of a “Nude…” series. Funky fresh! Don’t miss such highlights like this awesome guitar shot or this cross-dressing sensation!

It’s disgusting gingers like this who make me wish that M.I.A. video was real.

Mr. Kaiser’s Collection of Shorts – The Sequel

Mr. Kaiser — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 17:18:53 +0000

1. ~~sadnes~~

_–Sadness–_ by ~cathrynth22

Haha, yeah. I’ve drawn a perfect example of teenage angst recolor art, but how can I improve it more so I can post it on the Internet? Oh right: I will resize it to 300×238 pixels and use the best compression rate MS Paint offers. Voila.

2. Beanerboy131994 unironically is the best username on the Internet

3 Words To Describe Me by ~beanerboy131994

THIS. THIS is truly art. Not only did the artist create a masterpiece, he also revealed his secret: A website where you – hold your breath – can write text on pictures. Online. Nice! Look what I’ve made for you, Beanerboy131994!

3. AMY ROSE?

Amy Rose? (Halloween) by Afterhumanity

Now check this out: The artist has drawn Amy so badly (foxes don’t have human asses, you fucking idiot) that he himself isn’t sure if that actually is Amy Rose – hence the title, “Amy Rose?”. Okay, that was a terrible joke, so instead I just copy & paste my favorite Newgrounds review for this picture: “BRUTALLY EPIC!”

4. aaahhahahahaha

Leah Poses for Alvin by =tinfoil5

AAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHahahhahahhahahhahahhahahHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAAAHHAHAHHAaaaaaaaa…..AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHhhhh….

hah

This guy really likes games

Mr. Kaiser — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 16:25:20 +0000

Sarah the Fox by ~Gamezlover

Man, there sure is nothing wrong with having clean and civilized fun after a hard day of work. That’s apparently what Gamezlover, the creator of this masterpiece, thought – his well thought out original character is relaxing on the top of a mountain, salaciously waiting for us to also get naked and join her fun. That’s totally not a furry porn picture, according to Gamezlover:

Since the “artist” doesn’t allow “pervy” comments about his “art”, I guess I’ll have to make rational comments then: You’re a disgusting furry (in denial) who masturbates to his own shitty pics of Sonic fan character. You even can’t get the anatomy in your drawing right – it looks like another leg is coming out of her thigh. Maybe you should fix that before you fix your life. Seriously, can it get any worse than this?

OH FUCKING CHRIST WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING THINKING

WHY ARE YOU TELEPORTING SONIC CHARACTERS INTO THE 90′S WHY

OH GREAT HE’S INTO BONDAGE, TOO

GOD SOMEONE HELP HER SHE’S STARVING

By the way, this article is not work-safe!

Month in Review: March 2010

Mr. Kaiser — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 19:38:06 +0000

One of the most important aspects of being an artist is being able to listen to criticism; especially if it’s negative. An artist should be mature enough to respect his critics and to use their complaints to grow as an artist. Tartlets, however, are not real artists; they just play them on the internet. That’s why they (As well as their fans who blindly follow them) – instead of acknowledging the flaws pointed out in our articles – react like children throwing tantrums.

This is what happens when an artist declares war on the truth.

It’s amazing how the artists and the artist’s fans think they could stop us from writing by simply insulting us and passing our reviews off as being mere flaming – unaware that their criticisms of our ability to criticize are no better than they claim ours to be!

jmillart, someone who really, really loves dogs, was so angered by our article on his work that he and his fellow dog-lovers began a spamming operation on the article’s comment section. He’s also taken it upon himself to warn our other “victims” when we “troll” them, despite the fact that we’ve already been doing that ourselves for the past months. After all, our purpose is to help Tartlets improve: Of course we’re going to give them the heads up when we mock their crap. But hey, if he wants to go ahead and do our work for us now, so be it!

brandy212, Tartlet for 2 years, has left the following message on her profile and put all her submissions into “storage”.

LilDevil92, whose fans have proven to be some of the most obnoxious people we have ever encountered, sent the following message after someone (Read also; “Us”) sent her a link to the DCQC article.

Later, she claims she had no intention of leaving, and that she’s here to stay.

Instead of taking our criticisms to heart and fixing their awful art, the aforementioned artists opted to whine and dismiss us as trolls (Or to outsource these whining duties to their fans), deeming our criticisms “invalid” so they can pass their errors off as deliberate “stylistic” choices. And so, they will continue to produce their low-grade content, and we will continue to laugh at their inability to produce aesthetically pleasing art. So, by all means: Feel free to ignore our criticism. We’ll still continue to dish it out, and to let others know to avoid your shameful displays like the plague.

We cut through the crap, so the rest of the Internet doesn’t have to.

Isn’t it ironic?

Mr. Kaiser — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 18:39:34 +0000

Dwaf Cat by *brandy212

As frequent readers of this blog like you should know, there are some people who like to recreate their favorite music/fanfic/whatever person as an animal, and often they love to use Paint – and often it looks like this.

No, this isn’t Bill Kaulitz as a cat, it’s actually another DevianTard’s fanfiction protagonist as a cat. I’m fucking serious. Creating fanfictions on DeviantArt (as well as copied & pasted character concept art) is pathetic enough, but if you happen to get 13-year-old female fans who draw pictures like this, you know you’re on the road to DA fame now.

What else is there to say which isn’t fucking obvious? Perhaps the fact that it had to be pointed out to the artist after-the-fact that the character in question has ailurophobia?

And of course, what DCQC article is complete without the author’s comments on their atrocity? These are just so ironically funny, we couldn’t possibly deny you the joy of reading them.

It’s Brad as a cat, because I *can’t* draw humans.

aahahahahah

I only realized halfway through what a bad idea it was to have him as a cat

aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahah

This was done listening to the song When I’m Gone by Three Doors Down.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

WARNING UGLY PICTURE

Mr. Kaiser — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 17:35:20 +0000

WARNING UGLY BG
by *cecilcat

At first I thought because of the title this disasterpiece of a picture would be a pretty awesome wallpaper for my computer, but unfortunately.. it’s this. What is “this”, exactly? This is a horrible abomination of your typical mix of teenage loneliness (We’re guessing the artist is a teen based on their inability to spell), furry loneliness, furry teenage loneliness, and being lonely. Not only is the idea (“Oh my fucking god I’m so fucking alone and wish you ‘where’ here”) extremely clichéd and horrible, the execution is horrible as well: Just look at the goddamn sky. The artist obviously isn’t able to use felt pens right so the clouds look like enemy spaceships from Atari 2600 games. I just went outside to look at the clouds and can confirm for you – Those are not what clouds look like.

Aside from that, the picture contains logical inconsistencies: The rat-person-thing doesn’t cast a shadow, so apparently it must be a vampire. But if it is a vampire, why is it sitting on a green tit in full clothing? Are vampires able to go outside in teenager attire now? Did I miss something? Twilight? Hello? Maybe I can find out more about its tragic backstory in the description.

I like how Jester came out (of the closet, heh) but not the BG! DDDDDDx

I hate myself for doing shit BGs…..

So why are you doing them? :smug:

lol, I spelld wrong on “where” it’s suppose to be “were”…lol…epic fail on me…..

EPIC FAIL LOL plz rate comment and subscribe <333

Jester is sitting on a ugly grass field and….what can I say…? Missing Cecil..? xDD I dunno.. xD Okay, I’m ruining the moment xD Jester is desprate…He really want Cecil back….Keep wishing Jester….Your wish might come true….

God…I think I’m gonna cry…

Yeah, me too. But for different reasons.

(Note to self: BEST ENDING JOKE EVER)

Paint is cruise control for cool

Mr. Kaiser — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:36:12 +0000

just liked the photo and i thout [sic!] it would look good with the iris of the eyes removed

Well, no, lol.

Daniel of the DEAAADDDD

Mr. Kaiser — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 16:38:08 +0000

Pick ONE of this guy’s pictures, just ONE PICTURE.. and it automatically will be shit. Not only does it look like a shitty webcomic, it also deals with the same shitty webcomic subjects: Sex, homosexuality and clowns.

But at first we should look at his profile page, shouldn’t we? Maybe he’s just one lonely guy being misunderstood.

Interests: music. chicks. p0rn. food (sometimes).
Favourite band or musician: KoRn
Favourite genre of music: punk rock and heavy metal

Well, fuck.

“Make Out”

Seriously, do you need an art critic who explains what is wrong with this picture? Don’t you see it by yourself? The shitty stick figures? The drawing style? The bleeding hair? The shitty random Invader Zim-esque “monkey cheese” storyline? Speaking of cheese…

“CHEESE?”

Yes, he drew a picture dealing with.. cheese. Wow. Apparently stick figures are so lifeless that he had to include the emotion in the speech bubble. Great job, Danny.

“Bisexual”

Seriously, what is with this guy’s obsession with consexual relationships? He drew several comics about his annoying gay friend including one where Danny makes him turn into.. Sushi?

“Stella”

I’m actually scared after reading this comic. Danny is a creepy psychopath and this picture proves it. There’s no way you can go back on this now.

“Daniel and Rebecca”

Wait, what happened to his gay friend? Oh, right, he turned into Sushi. So, all shitty stick figure drawing aspects aside, there’s nothing anomalous about this dra…

Oh, you motherfucker.

Some may wonder: How does Danny actually look like in real life? It’s not like finding a picture of him would be really hard – you just need a few clicks and there you go:

Remember this face. You will see it in the next school killing spree.

The last thing left for me to say about Daniel-of-the-DED is…

Together with U

Mr. Kaiser — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:33:18 +0000

As much as I love “lo-fi webcomics“, this one really takes the cake. Seriously, I don’t know where to begin criticising that picture: The heads are totally deformed, the shitty weeaboo style with a whiff of teenage angst bullshit, OR THE FACT THAT THE RIGHT GIRL’S FEET ARE CRIPPLED AND YOU CAN SEE HER FUCKING VAGINA.
According to the artist’s DeviantArt profile, she has uploaded several “comics”, so we’re only going to scratch the surface – by looking at page 1 of the abomination that is “Together with U”.

Wait a minute – what happened to the coloring? The artist violates her own canon after ONE page! Can you believe that?
I wish I could describe what’s happening on that page, but fuck.. I just can’t decipher it. Is “Neji-kun” (great name, by the way) a man? Is “Haruka-san” (More like Hanuta-san, hurfdurf) in love with him/her/it? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?? Oh, and great writing error in panel 5 (“That’s what he always say…”). True artists don’t need grammar.
But what really irks me out is the drawing in panel 6. Seriously, just look at it.

This crap deserves its own article. Why is the blob in the background faceless? And why does it have mysterious black dots? Does “Together with U” take place in a parallel universe where the Black Death is still vivid? And look at the smug bitch in the foreground: There’s a blob having the plague behind her and all she does is picking her nose.

Fuck this.