devART Coalition for Quality Control » Gay / Lesbian

Designing Your deviantART Profile

Habermann — Sat, 15 May 2010 11:56:46 +0000

I thought that I’d “mix things up a bit” today by penning a handy guide for you eager-to-learn tartlets out there! Specifically, those of you who are looking to pimp out your deviantART profiles, so you can start mingling with the “cool kids”. Today, I bring you my how-to guide on how to design a totally awesome** dA profile!

(Click for the full-size 800px by 3540px image)

_{** “Totally Awesome” as defined by deviantART standards, which of course translates to “bland shit” by all other standards.}

Defining Art in the deviantART Age

Habermann — Sat, 01 May 2010 01:30:43 +0000

Art is only art in the eyes of the maker. There are people who think that DaVinchi’s artwork is shit, I assure you this. It doesn’t matter who you are, when something is titled art, it is aways are. Even if you’re the Pope/ruler of the world, something that the maker lables art will always be art, because the maker says it is. Unless you hate your own artwork, only the maker can deside wether their, and ONLY their art is art. I believe we can ALL agree with this, can we not?

~WrexSoul, on the comments of “Sunrises Don’t Smile”

Contrary to popular belief and what uneducated TARTlets such as WrexSoul might have you believe, not everything labeled as “art” is actually art. True art is intended to convey a message or emotion, with an intent which can be interpretated in any number of ways by the viewer. However, when the intent is clear as day and there’s no deeper sense of meaning behind it, a piece loses the right to be labeled as art.

Seeing as the majority of our readers are offended idiots from deviantART, I realize that last paragraph may have gone over some of your heads. To better illustrate my point for you uninformed folk, I’ll go ahead and show you an example of a piece which you may wrongly assume is “art” when you first look at it, so I can step in and explain to you why it’s not.

First College Night by *Iztric

This isn’t “not art” simply because there’s nudity: Over the course of history, many famous paintings and sculptures have depicted humans in the nude while still managing to convey a proper message and a subtle intent. However, when the intent is specifically to arouse, and when the message is as shallow and obvious as “two girls about to fuck each other”, you are looking at media; not art.

Let me be perfectly clear about this: Even if this piece was actually well-drawn (Perhaps if their breasts weren’t twice the size of their hideously misshapen heads, and their torsos weren’t entirely out of alignment with the rest of their laughably misshapen bodies), it still wouldn’t be art. It’d be less of an eyesore, sure, but it still wouldn’t qualify as art. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with porn, and while I have nothing against the graphic depiction of sex, I also understand that porn (for the sole purpose of arousement) is not art.

Don’t You DARE… by ~Shot-Thyh

What’s poorly detailed, lazily set in front of a photograph, and lacks proper perspective? This piece of trash! As deep-seated the furry culture is in the taboo and perverse, and as genuinely disturbed as those who believe they are “animals trapped inside human bodies” may be, we’re willing to admit that there is art out there which does happen to feature anthropomorphic creatures and which has been illustrated by members of the furry community. This picture in particular is not member of that classification.

“Action” shots which are meant to convey a character as intimidating or brute are not art. They may accompany or be a part of art, in the case of panels from comic books for example. But, when a piece is isolated and stripped of it’s context, it is also stripped of whatever message the whole of the product is meant to express. A framed image of angst-ridden, spiky-haired, unidentifiable animal punching a wall for no discernible reason while illogically looking in the opposite direction (And displaying no signs that he is physically exerting himself in any way) is not art.

skin.15 by `betteo

This, folks, is art. The conclusion a viewer might draw from it is as open to interpretation as is the artist’s actual intent. It may initially be hard to read emotionally, and it is the patron himself who must look inside themselves to figure out how the picture makes them feel. The textures, patterns, and the subject matter all work together to compose a piece which the viewer can subjectively decide whether they enjoy or not.

Sadly, it is possible to spend days upon weeks of time on deviantART, and to never stumble upon a proper piece of art such as this. If you deliberately search for generic anime art and depictions of video game characters, you may miss out on media which might actually make you stop and think for a second before deciding whether or not you like it.

Perhaps this is why people do their scout’s best to filter out everything that doesn’t star big-breasted catgirls or tributes to their “favorite characters”: They don’t want to have to think before giving their approval or disapproval. They don’t want to spend the time it takes to put themselves in the shoes of an artist and guess what was running through their minds when they decided that the subject of their painting should be smiling instead of frowning. Imbeciles are comfortable only with characters who are immediately familiar to them, and subject matter which showcases their bland interests.

So please, by all means: Feel free to keep looking at your uninspired scantily-clad anime girls and half-hearted attempts at showing off “Photoshop skills”. But for fucks sake, stop labeling it as art.

The Pain That We Chose

Habermann — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 22:41:20 +0000

Sir Jimbo: The Pain That I’ll Choose (Written and illustrated by TARTlet Rave-Anna) is the heartwarming tale of two lesbians trying to overcome the difficult disease of leprosy. It’s a story about the spirit of love and how it copes with an affliction that makes your skin sluff off and fall into sticky piles of goo on the floor. Well it’s either that or the artist can’t draw for shit. One of the two. It’s hard to tell. In fact let’s make a game of it. Choose which of the following best describes the main female protagonist on the cover…

1. She suffers from leprosy (It’s one of those illnesses from before the days of Doogie Howser)
2. She was beaten by the dyke stick (A terrible weapon wielded by only the angriest of muff divers)
3. Being that she is gay and a woman she is attempting to gain as much weight as possible to better fit the role and thus she dove face first into a vat of Oreo cookies.
4. One night, during a particularly embarrassing episode of cock lust, she turned her vibrator onto maximum and shit just went down hill.

If you picked any of the above options, CONGRATULATIONS, you have more imagination than the author of this steaming pile of fanfiction.

Habermann: You know what the most fucked up part of this comic is? It’s not just about two generic lesbians or the “artist’s” original characters: It actually stars the members of Russian pop sensation t.A.T.u.! You know? Those two chicks who pretended to be lesbians until having to admit to everyone that they weren’t way back in 2003? Apparently, the fact they aren’t real lesbians hasn’t deterred rabid lesbian weeaboos from further exploring the coupling.

Habermann: Judging from the note in the upper right panel (And from the layout of the actual page itself), it seems as if the artist had a bit of trouble deciding whether her readers should read the comic from left-to-right or right-to-left (MANGA STYLE ). In the end, she settles with the latter, and casual weeaboos who are unaware of this custom suffer for it. Furthermore, might I question what fucking school this girl attends, of which the general populace harbors such an immense hatred towards lesbians? If it’s in Russia, where the actual duo hails from, it might interest the artist to know that in present day the majority of Russians are non-observant, and more than 50% never attend church services of any kind. It’s hard to imagine a school of Russians ganging up on a girl for offending religious values the majority of their citizens don’t even hold.

Sir Jimbo: A lot of people will tell you that to create great art you actually need to draw it, art that is. But those people are just jealous faggots and should be shunned. As we can see from this page the artist has decided against such cliches as “Backgrounds” and instead has gone with the use of a solid white backdrop to frame her panels. While most people would call this lazy and a clear sign of half-assing things I would disagree. Instead I’d call it a sign that our artist was driven so mad with penis envy that immediately after having drawn this she ran into her kitchen (Insert your own sexist joke here folks) and began shoving any piece of produce she could find directly into her man-hating snatch. Carrots, Cucumbers, Corn, you get the idea. Salads will never again be the same at her house. Not fucking EVER!

Sir Jimbo: You know that whole concept called “perspective”? That thing that’s supposed to help you know what the fuck is going on in a scene? The device a good artist will use in order to better guide what the audience is viewing in an effort to help clear things up? Well, who needs it? Clearly not our artist, since you’d have better luck figuring out what the fuck is going on with this page by reading it entirely in braille. I mean yes you could argue that the main character is lusting after the fishing hole of the red-headed Lena Katina but than again who is to say. I mean that dark silhouette in the background could be anyone. Hell it could be the janitor. I mean after all this is an Oreo hording carpet muncher we’re talking about here and I’m sure after fucking half of the vegetables in her house the artist was by this point completely delirious. Christ she probably was queefing out popcorn after the unholy shame that took place in her kitchen from earlier on.

Habermann: I think you’re ignoring the biggest logical flaw in this page. Yulia acknowledges that Lena has shown up at school extraordinarily early, meaning that she herself would have to have shown up early as well. If Yulia hates school so goddamn much, why does she show up potentially hours in advance just to sit around in a hallway and contemplate how much she fucking hates school? We’re only two pages into this mess, and the plot has already revealed itself to be as flimsy as the paper the comic is drawn on.

Also, I lol’d at how smug Lena’s face is as she opens her locker. Back in my school days, my facial demeanor in the early morning matched something like my face in present day after puking a whole bottle of Jack into a toilet. Lena is either obsessive about keeping up appearances, or on some kind of botox regiment.

Habermann: Here, we discover our artist has a bit of difficulty with drawing hands. Try and figure out what side of the paper we’re looking at in the fourth panel: If it’s facing towards the reader (Like a good artist would usually draw), her thumbs are on the wrong sides of her eerily disproportionate hands. If the text is facing towards her, how come we don’t see her reading it from behind the paper? Either way you slice it, it’s an incredibly awkward panel, on an incredibly awkward page. From her amusingly out-of-place angry face in the first panel (Nice transition from bubbly and bright on the previous page!), to the confusing inconsistency in the use of onomatopoeia and motion indicators, this page is a goddamn mess.

Sir Jimbo: Let’s see, what sorts of qualities do you absolutely never want to find in the person you’re fucking? I know! How about butting into your fucking business? Apparently Lena is one hell of a controlling pearl licker because the moment she finds something on the ground which has nothing at all to do with her, she has to get involved. This is typical behavior for sexual predators. It probably explains where all those bruises from the cover page came from. Think about it: Lena is a fucking animal, and god help you if you leave her out of the loop. She’ll cut your fucking titties off to teach you a lesson.

Sir Jimbo: Yulia Volkova? Well there is a name that just rolls of the tongue now doesn’t it? Probably just like Lena’s meat curtains do after she face rapes poor Yulia. Also, you shouldn’t be alarmed by the rapid growth of Lena’s skull on this page; it’s just a side effect of too much B-12 in her diet.

You know, from carrots. Cause’ that’s what she likes to shove up her…. Oh well you get the point.

But just in case you didn’t: LENA LIKES TO INSERT THINGS IN HER VAGINA. All lesbians do. It’s natures way of telling them that they’re fucking wrong. Mother Nature’s not a dyke. Hate to break it to ya, but she loves the cock.

Habermann: I’ll admit: I got a hard-on watching t.A.T.u. in their early days, before they revealed that their love for one another was a gigantic scam. And as much as I’d love for some kinky sex video starring the two of them to get leaked and reveal that the two of them actually DO have the hots for one another (Hell, I’d watch it even if it was just another promotional gimmick. I’m not picky about the actual romantics of the situation), it simply isn’t a pairing meant to be. This whole backstory about the duo having been lesbians throughout their school days, not knowing each other to be lesbians but lusting over one another, and finally coming out to one another despite the cries of their peers is fucking weak enough on it’s own without it being based on a real life love story that’s been revealed to be completely fucking fake.

Habermann: Let’s take a look at our crowd, shall we? We have our chain-smoking grunge kid covering his little brother’s eyes, clearly concerned about being a good role model for him. We also have a green-eyed bald guy, who is amazed upon discovering exactly how bald he is as he tries to run his fingers through his non-existent hair. There’s a girl who appears to be inside a peanut costume clearly not a fan of Yulia’s faggotry, while the girl in the ponytail to the left is clearly not a fan of the former’s peanut costume. And finally, we have an elderly woman with lopsided tits, who should honestly be a bit more desensitized to teenage lesbianism after having witnessed and survived the horrors of the Gulag. Isn’t it lovely how all these people can come together to share their groundless hatred for lesbians?

Sir Jimbo: “Don’t look bro, she’s a dyke”. Well clearly than this is a work of fiction because even the gayest of men would line up during the world’s worst fucking snow storm in history just to witness two chicks scissor the shit out of each other in real life. Poor girl: It must be so hard to be an attractive lesbian surrounded by nothing but horny teenage boys. How rough. God they must hate her for being so kinky. You know, when they’re all not furiously jacking their shit to the idea of some hot lesbian pearl diving action.

REALISM has no place in this comic. Now go get some stones so we can kill this bitch ffffffuck

Sir Jimbo: I have to say this page makes me happy. Honestly it does. I mean I was a huge fan of the Lord of the Rings movies and I was really worried there for a while that after the Return of the King came out that Smeagol would be out of work. But here we see that’s clearly not the case. Not only is he employed again but he is working in a comic that’s dedicated to a couple of hot lesbians fisting each other. Lucky fucker. And to top it off he’s giving her Eskimo kisses. ESKIMO KISSES, THAT’S SO SUPER KAWAII. ヘ(^_^ヘ)

Oh god, sorry. I threw up in my mouth a little bit. I’ll have to set up an appointment with my doctor to get another round of immunizations against weeaboo.

Habermann: I’m not sure why “Find our love note, dyke?” is an insult so worthy of praise. That’s like me getting a round of applause for saying “Enjoying your coffee, fag?” at Starbucks. Hey, here’s a good question: What the hell are these two guys doing at school early? They don’t exactly seem like the type eager to learn. Do they show up early just to harass Yulia for showing up early? If so, why the fuck does Yulia keep showing up early? And if she has the same habit of showing up early to be harassed as Lena does, how come Lena hasn’t witnessed Yulia being brutally “tapped” on the knee before? This plot has more holes than a lesbian orgy.

Sir Jimbo: Sadly though Lena has to ruin it all like the typical angry dyke that she is. Because suddenly, for NO reason whatsoever, she goes all period rage on poor defenseless Smeagol and attacks him. Imagine it: There he is: Our loving, caring, kindhearted Smeagol just minding his own business giving Yulia some Eskimo Kisses and what happens? Some angry beaver beater shows up and starts shooting her pussy blood all over the hallway. Somebody get this bitch a pallet full of Midol and call the cops. For the love of God lady it was just an Eskimo kiss will you please pull that stick out of your ass…..

… And those carrots out of your cooter.

Habermann: It’s amazing how the artist transitions so quickly from “drama” and a generally depressing tone, to “OMG CHIBI KAWAII” and other stereotypical lazy manga bullshit. If you’re going to weave a tale of “true love in the face of prejudice”, and try to tackle the serious issue of disregarding social criticism in order to live your life to way you want to live it, you can’t suddenly stop drawing full figures and start drawing fucking chibis reacting to major plot-changing actions with simple stock shocked expressions.

Habermann: We’re treated to more half-assed chibi art and half-hearted attempt at social commentary. And so, our romance plot advances as swiftly as bald guy is forced out of the frame (God forbid our action sequence span more than one page), as fast as Lena turns away from the angry bald guy to look at Yulia, and as quickly we’re supposed to forget about the impact that the fateful punch will have on Lena’s social standing.

Sir Jimbo: Smeagol is upset and rightly so. But does anyone call the police on this raging whore? Do they get him some medical attention first? Call in the swat team? Render any aid whatsoever to our poor, beaten, and abused little hobbit? No. And why? Is it because the hallways now reek of rotting fish? Well probably but that’s not the reason. Is it because the amount of blood she leaked everywhere has now created a hazmat level 8 situation? Again probably but still not why. The reason that no one does anything is because Lena is fucking crazy, like all Lesbians. That’s why they molest children. Gay people that is. Because they’re fucking crazy.

Sir Jimbo: We’re finally on the last page (So far), and what an adventure it’s been. Yulia, our protagonist, is clearly terrified by all that has transpired. Can you blame her though? How often is it that a person witnesses a raging lesbian beat a hobbit to within an inch of his life? I can’t even begin to fathom the amount of therapy that it’s going to take to undo that. And so here she is broken, beaten, terrified, and in a fetal position on the ground looking up at her attacker. She’s probably wondering all sorts of things. Things like just why it is that a man sized lesbian with orange hair is allowed to stalk a school’s hallways unsupervised. Or why rampant hobbit abuse is tolerated in this modern society. Sadly she’ll never get answers to those questions since Lena is now going to take her to the broom closet and brutally rape her. Probably with one of those carrots she used on herself earlier. Sick bitch.

Habermann: I’d be surprised if latter pages of the story bother to address Lena’s newly inherited social shunning, or the couple managing to melt the cold hearts of the rest of the student body by means of their true love in the fact of adversity. Hell, I’d be surprised if the story is continued at all beyond another page or two tops: In a mere nine pages, we’ve managed to fly through the entire exposition, dash right past the climax, and reach the point in the story where the couple is about to confess their secrets. At this rate, they’ll be married by page 13, and adopt a child on page 14. One thing’s for damn sure: We’re not reading any more of this half-hearted animu garbage. If you are braindead or gullible enough to fall for the perceived “inspiring message” being pushed by this populist garbage, you can kindly take your shallow love story and shove it up your ass, right next to your life partner’s dick or dildo.

Yaoi Girl Heaven

Sir Jimbo — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 16:05:27 +0000

I’d like to introduce you all to Lil Devil 92 or as I like to call her, “The Lusting Slut”. A tartlet with moderate abilities she’s accumulated nearly 50,000 page views in her time on DA. Which if DA where anything like Concept Art would be an accomplishment but sadly it’s not. So what sort of things does are little whore like to draw? Well why don’t we go ahead and take a look, shall we?

FF7 Good Morning

A good morning indeed. I’m sure Cloud certainly is happy to wake up next to a man’s erection instead of Aeris’s embrace. Surely this is how Square-Enix originally envisioned the series in the first place. But than again perhaps I’m reading too much into it. Perhaps when I look at this drawing and see that toothbrush in Zach’s hand that I’m certain was mere moments before up Cloud’s ass I’m really not seeing it in the way the artist had intended. And I have to be wrong when i assume Cloud is holding lube in his right hand instead of toothpaste. After all who brushes their teeth with lube. You’d only use that if you were inserting things up your rectum. Oh but wait a minute, I’d forgotten who drew this for a second. Of course that is lubricant, and of course that toothbrush was probing the inner workings of Mr. Strive. Just another in a long line of shitty yaoi pictures depicting a girls sexual fantasies rather than the realities of the series she’s drawing.

Well maybe it’s a one off right? Let’s see what else our little lolita likes to draw.

FF7 Seph The Bully

Now if I were a betting man I’d say either the artist has a hard time with portraying depth and the use of motion in her art or this picture is of Cloud being anally raped by Sephiroth. Though I’m not sure which. Perhaps if she took her hand away from her overly abused vagina and stopped fingering it so furiously at the thought of clearly straight characters engaging in gay sex she might have been able to have given the image a little more clarity. Things like positioning would be a good place to start. That or those god awful expressions. Sure these are video game characters but that doesn’t make them manga or anime in any way. You wouldn’t draw the Master Chief with super kawaii facial features so why would you do that to FF7 characters.

Next up…

DMC3 Dante & Vergil Sketch

Well why confine oneself to only depicting straight men who are unrelated as gay. Why not also venture into the genre of brothers as well. While not as sexually disturbing as the last two by our little lady this one is still bizarre. For one these characters hate each other, they fucking try to kill one another for sport yet here they are posing for a family picture. I also like how the artist tried to portray the characters at an angle but only ended up slanting their respective heads to either the left or the right making it look like their mother shot them out her cunt at a 45 degree curve. And while you might assume since Vergil is in the background and facing Dante’s ass that he would be the dominant one it is clear that our tartlet pictures it the other way around. She’s given much more space to Dante clearly showing that when she is finger banging her 13 year old pussy that she is thinking about him ramming his Devil May Cry cock straight up his brothers ass.

Summation…

It’s amazing, isn’t it? Isn’t it amazing how many artists out there like to take characters and warp them to their own perverse desires. To bend and break their very identities to satisfy a sick sexual want to see them in positions they otherwise would never normally be in. What sort of mind comes up with such drawings? What sort of person wants to make men gay? LilDevil92 that’s who. This sick girl whose fantasies will one day cross over into the real world when she begins raping innocent people. And when the press covers her trial and ask the question, “How did this happen?”, we can all point to DeviantArt and say, “That’s how”.

Oo-la-lah! Lesbians!

Habermann — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:48:20 +0000

I’d like to think that most men can agree that lesbians are fucking hot as hell. Of course, when I say “lesbians”, I don’t mean ACTUAL lesbians, who are typically ugly / fat / otherwise unappealing to the opposite sex. When I say “lesbians”, I mean straight girls who are paid money to make out while I rub one out, before performing in another cheap flick in which they suck dick. Unfortunately, among us straight men lurk deviantARTists, who pay tribute to girl-on-girl action by putting their pen to the fucking paper. Showcased today are pieces of art that make lesbians look lame as fuck.

Yuri randomness by ~SAL13CHILE

The only thing “random” about this piece is the consistency of bodily proportion. Other than that, it’s as generic as poorly-drawn girl-on-girl artwork gets, complete with vacant gigantic eyes and an attention to breasts that you wish the artist would apply to the rest of this fucking disaster. In the description, SAL13CHILE himself admits that this piece is “REALLY BAD”, and that he threw it all together in 5 minutes time during a class. Perhaps he should invest more time in his education, and less on expressing his creativity (or lack thereof).

Buff Chun Li and Cammy by ~raijinzz

This Street Fighter fanart takes Chun-Li’s already ridiculous “thunder thighs”, and takes them to an extreme only a daily steroid regiment can achieve. Not content in transforming the “First Lady of Fighting Games” into a muscled man, the artist feels the need to drag Cammy White into the mix: A character who wasn’t particularly “muscular” in the games. Shirtless and striking poses, it’s hard to tell whether they’re ready to start scissoring one another or to start lifting fucking weights.

Peach X Rosalina by ~withpride

With breasts drawn twice as large as their heads, it’s plain as day that our artist has an unnatural obsession with unnatural tits. In fact, he doesn’t even bother drawing a pair of asses for this pair of princesses: The picture cuts out mid-stomach, so the breasts can fill the frame to fucking capacity. As such, I’ve got no idea what Rosalina’s doing back there that has Peach panting and salivating like a fucking dog. But, to be honest, I’m sort of happy that I can’t. After all, if we caught a clear glimpse of what’s going on back there, the image might come to mind again when admiring a similar scene in the future [in proper pornography], and totally ruin the fucking moment.

They say is my fault by ~seyo-tsukino

And the award for the most pointy pair of ladies goes to… This jagged monstrosity! Those girls better be careful while they’re rubbing each other down: They might cut each other up with their razor-sharp elbows. Or worse yet, gutting each other open with their dagger chins while trying to suck on the other’s teets! And honestly, with the both of them weighing in together at maybe fifty pounds, the slightest blood loss could prove fatal. Ugh… This image brings too many mental images to mind, none of them erotic.

Dude, what have I done. by *TSWargelf

Well, that just about does it for me: I’ll never be able to get off to lesbians again. It looks like I’ll have to swear off them now, for the fear this horrible mental image pops up in my head again. For fucks sake: I’ve seen drawings of twelve year old girls being gutted by their twelve year old female lovers, and not even that sickened me as much as whatever the fuck this shit is. Thanks alot, TSWargelf! You found a way to ruin two hot chicks touching each other!

Daniel of the DEAAADDDD

Mr. Kaiser — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 16:38:08 +0000

Pick ONE of this guy’s pictures, just ONE PICTURE.. and it automatically will be shit. Not only does it look like a shitty webcomic, it also deals with the same shitty webcomic subjects: Sex, homosexuality and clowns.

But at first we should look at his profile page, shouldn’t we? Maybe he’s just one lonely guy being misunderstood.

Interests: music. chicks. p0rn. food (sometimes).
Favourite band or musician: KoRn
Favourite genre of music: punk rock and heavy metal

Well, fuck.

“Make Out”

Seriously, do you need an art critic who explains what is wrong with this picture? Don’t you see it by yourself? The shitty stick figures? The drawing style? The bleeding hair? The shitty random Invader Zim-esque “monkey cheese” storyline? Speaking of cheese…

“CHEESE?”

Yes, he drew a picture dealing with.. cheese. Wow. Apparently stick figures are so lifeless that he had to include the emotion in the speech bubble. Great job, Danny.

“Bisexual”

Seriously, what is with this guy’s obsession with consexual relationships? He drew several comics about his annoying gay friend including one where Danny makes him turn into.. Sushi?

“Stella”

I’m actually scared after reading this comic. Danny is a creepy psychopath and this picture proves it. There’s no way you can go back on this now.

“Daniel and Rebecca”

Wait, what happened to his gay friend? Oh, right, he turned into Sushi. So, all shitty stick figure drawing aspects aside, there’s nothing anomalous about this dra…

Oh, you motherfucker.

Some may wonder: How does Danny actually look like in real life? It’s not like finding a picture of him would be really hard – you just need a few clicks and there you go:

Remember this face. You will see it in the next school killing spree.

The last thing left for me to say about Daniel-of-the-DED is…

Fanskit Fiesta Review #4: So help me Jehova…

Sir Jimbo — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 07:54:30 +0000

Hello, I’m the Cosplay Critic. I rip off cheesy intros, just like everyone else.

“Hey Neptune, I want to stick something in Uranus!” ~ Unfunny joke from every Sailor Moon fan alive.

Offended yet? I’m not. If you are going to do a fucking lesbian kiss scene for cosplay, god damn it I better see some tongue. And get rid of clothes. And a vibrator. No, I take that back, a double sided dildo. And you better fucking use it in the right way, or does Daddy have to show you?

Alright, to be fair, The background is actually half-ass decent for once. At least it’s not in some cum stained hallway of a convention center. That’s the only positive I’m giving you though. You look nothing like the characters you are portraying. Great, you got a sailor uniform, a wig, and some accessories. Any Navy officer would dream of you in a lonely wet dream at sea. Plus, that god damn kiss looks so fucking forced. At least try to make it look natural.

Next contestant, come on down!

Join the fight against Skin Cancer. Cosplay today!

Alright, if you can’t tell by now (You must be fucking blind if you can’t see it), this one needs to back off from the tanning booth. Or the spray tan. Whichever. Unless you are that dark naturally, which I fucking doubt because nobody has skin that orange. Eyeliner looks like shit. Costume looks like shit. Pose looks like shit. And your wig is terrible.

Artist’s Comments

I finally finished my Yoruichi! *_* I love her so much!!!
It’s not looking as good as I wanted, but I’ll redo many parts of this costume later.

Yoruichi, from Bleach.

I guess this excuses my complaints?

I’ll answer that with another question: If your fucking costume isn’t even done correctly, and you know it, why the fuck would you take a picture of yourself in it and upload it for the world, so they can think you are KAWAII DESU?

UPDATE: Turns out the skin color is makeup. Lies! I stand by my spray on tan claim!

And now it is time yet again for another:

HOLY SHIT, WHY?

This section needs no words, only a gun to kill whatever happens to be in the way.

“I swear to fucking god, I was out drinking…”

Fucking Furries, and Furries Fucking

Habermann — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:30:42 +0000

The Furry Fandom is among the creepier cults currently in existence, sharing the spotlight with the likes of NAMBLA and Scientology. By teaching their followers about their “inner animals”, and urging them to express themselves artistically (Regardless of their actual artistic talent), those who promote the pro-furry agenda have managed to taint nearly every corner of the internet with their grubby little paws, while simultaneously fapping to what is honestly little more than “bestiality for beginners”. Because, after masturbating to so much horse hentai, there’s little left to do but go “Mr Hands” on “Mr Ed”.

There are those out there who insist that perverted furs are the “minority” of the group. This, of course, is a blatant lie, as the most popular furry imageboards and art submission services find themselves carrying far more porn than they do “clean” artwork (Or in the case of FChan, nearly twice as much, specifically on their male-on-male channel, which at any point in time nearly matches the number of posts on all of the other channels combined). Not only is this artwork a gateway into actual animal intercourse, but a large quantity of it happens to lack any artistic merit whatsoever.

Beauty and the f+cker beast by ~BaltinaBlackS

The punk-ass wolf on the left is apparently “Above the Influence”. However, it seems his drug-free life style does not absolve him of furfaggotry and impending anal rape. Stick it to the stoners, then take the stick from the wolves?

Pwny Girls pwnd by ~Limpurtikles

Man, you sure “Pwned” those “Pwny Girls”. I bet you “Pwned” so hard to this “Epic Pwnage”, you “Pwned” all over your computer monitor, which I am sure “Pwnz”! Sick fuck.

sexy photo shppt 2 BLUA by *f0x-b0y

Sorry, but it’s not a “photo shppt” when you actually sit down and draw an image by hand. And when I say hand, I do mean just the one hand, as it’s rather obvious what the other one was doing while you were drawing this. I’ll give you a hint: It wasn’t wrapped around your imaginary girlfriend, “*f0x-b0y”

Cellshading by ~Werewolf-Incantation

How fucking cold does it have to be for your tits to stick out like that? Apparently, cold enough for your skin to retract, giving the illusion that your eyes are the size of fucking baseballs. Get out of the freezer, out of the fursuit, and off of fucking DeviantArt.